Obviously only IT staff and fit birds are allowed MSN but to ensure they understand the true pecking order, arm yourself with lots of emoticons.

But be careful - [wang] does not always impress them. Nor do wobbly tits or wanker signs.

Fill your hard drive with lots of laughter, shy and secret ones. Change them regular to keep 'em keen.

Review your collection objectively. You don't want too many lovey dovey ones - no-one likes a faggot (and I mean, no one) but you need to appear comfortable with your feminine side. Just remember that when you're banging her up the marmite mineshaft.

jixi