So, you're under pressure - the Mrs wants to know why stuff ain't done, why you fart and think it's funny, etc, etc. Here's a list of excuses for you to use - it's my pleasure
 | You watch too much TVThe real answer is : "Are you having a fucking laugh?! You look at ... | |
| Why don't you see the mess?The real answer : "What fucking mess? I go to work all day and then... | |
| Where has the romance gone?The real answer is : "'Cos I'm a bloke. We don't think like that fo... | |
| Does my bum look big in this?The real answer is : "Yes. It's fucking massive. Your figure went S... | |
| Do you need to spend so much time on that computer?The real answer is : "Yes, I fucking well do. Why would I want to w... | |
| Why isn't the garden done?The real answer is : "Because the only free time I've had has been ... | |
| We need to talkThe real answer is : "Do we now? So you can say how shit I am at ev... | |